SERIES A IN LOVE APPLICATIONS NOW OPEN 50K SUBSCRIBERS ZERO GIRLFRIENDS DUE DILIGENCE REQUIRED TERM SHEET NEGOTIABLE JABRONI CAPITAL CORP SERIES A IN LOVE APPLICATIONS NOW OPEN 50K SUBSCRIBERS ZERO GIRLFRIENDS DUE DILIGENCE REQUIRED TERM SHEET NEGOTIABLE JABRONI CAPITAL CORP
Actively Seeking

JACK
KUVEKE
Series A · In Love

Founder of Jabroni Capital — the only tech newsletter that'll make you laugh. 50,000 subscribers. Zero girlfriends. He's now applying VC-brained thinking to his dating life, and frankly, the pitch deck is strong.

0
Newsletter Subscribers
0
Current Girlfriends
0
Pitch Decks Roasted
∞
WeWork Takes Remaining

How This Works

This is his pitch deck.
You are the investor.

🔍
Due Diligence Quiz
Are you actually compatible? Our team has 7 hard questions. Results rated: Strong Buy, Hold, or Do Not Invest.
📊
Live Deal Flow
Track where all applicants currently stand. Kanban-style. Very professional. Very unnecessary.
📰
Subscriber Loyalty Test
Prove you've actually read the newsletter. If you can't pass this, Jack will find out. He always finds out.
🎯
Pitch Deck Roast
Submit your pitch. Our AI evaluates it like a VC who's had three espressos and no patience. Scores included.
📝
Term Sheet Negotiator
Try to negotiate the relationship terms. Jack's legal team (AI-powered) will push back. Good luck.
⚠️
Risk Factors
Strong WeWork opinions. Checks open rates during dinner. Made his sibling build this website. You've been warned.

Investor Due Diligence

Before we proceed,
our team has questions.

Question 01 of 07

It's Monday morning. A new Jabroni Capital issue just dropped. What do you do?

Question 02 of 07

Your ideal Saturday involves which of the following?

Question 03 of 07

Someone at dinner says "I love WeWork — it's such a great concept." You:

Question 04 of 07

Which of these best describes your relationship to the internet?

Question 05 of 07

A man you're dating interrupts dinner to check his newsletter open rate. You:

Question 06 of 07

What's your opinion on "building in public"?

Question 07 of 07

Finish this sentence: "I'm not here for—"

Investment Rating

Calculating...

Compatibility Score—
Cultural Fit—
Sense of Humor Index—
WeWork Tolerance—
Overall Recommendation—
24 Total Applications
Last updated: Just now

Subscriber Verification Protocol

Have you actually read
the newsletter?

Attention: This is not optional.

Jack has 50,000 subscribers. Many of them are lurkers who haven't opened an issue since December 2023. We need to know which kind of person you are. The following questions are based on actual Jabroni Capital newsletter content. No Googling. That would defeat the purpose and also Jack would know.

Verification Result

Application Portal

Submit your pitch.
We will not be gentle.

2-3 sentences. Treat this like you're pitching a seed round to a skeptical investor who has read every tech newsletter ever written.

What do you bring to this relationship that no competitor offers?

We'll find out anyway. Better to disclose upfront. Shows character.

Every good pitch needs a roadmap. What does the future look like?

Make it count. This is your moment.

⚠ Your submission goes to Jack's inbox only. We don't store or share it with third parties.

⚙️

Our analysts are reviewing your deck...
This usually takes 3-6 years of due diligence.
We've expedited it.

Official Evaluation —
Pitch Clarity
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Originality
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Market Fit
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Red Flag Honesty
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Closing Energy
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Analyst Commentary

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Legal Department

Negotiate the terms.
Jack's team is ready.

Current Term Sheet

Structure Exclusive, long-term
Date Frequency Min. 2x per week
Newsletter Mentions Partner reads every issue
WeWork Discussions Unlimited, any time
Social Media Partner follows @jabronicap
Cooking Rights Jack cooks 3x/week minimum
Open Rate Discussions Up to 5 per dinner
Exit Strategy None. That's the point.
Legend
White = Original term
Yellow = Negotiated
Green = Accepted
Red + strikethrough = Rejected

Chat with Legal Team

Jack's Legal Team
Good morning. On behalf of Mr. Kuveke, we've prepared the standard term sheet on the left. Our client considers these terms fair and reasonable. That said, we're open to discussion on select items. What would you like to negotiate?
Legal team is drafting a response...